So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
