Too much gin, very little bucket
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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