My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
