um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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