my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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