i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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