i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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