just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
