This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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