If i come over, it means nothing
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize