Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
we should paint friendship bongs
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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