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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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