I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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