haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
