Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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