In the future we'll all be gay
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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