the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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