how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
