I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
