Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
