textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
