Porn is love you can see.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
