My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
