i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
