Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
