Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
