i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
