shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
