Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
