You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
