Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Randomize
