I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
