Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
