I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
