Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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