Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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