if you like me you must not know who I am
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
