my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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