were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
