Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
