I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
