im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
