shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
