Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Panties = found
Randomize
