She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Randomize
