I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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