my soul wont recognize me after tonight
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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