guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
