neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
