I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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