OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
