Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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