do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the day after is always just damage control
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's shark week go big or go home
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
