he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
