My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
