yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
