Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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