what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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