i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
