I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
