I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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