I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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