I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
