his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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