i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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