You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
