I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
