I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
