It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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