oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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