Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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